I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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