Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
i believe in u and ur pee
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
