Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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