Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
