if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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