By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
