I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
