i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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