I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
