i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize