Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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