I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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