You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
