I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize