Kiss
Puke
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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