I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
