are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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