and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Ketchup is God's man juice
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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