The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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