Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
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It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
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When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
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