I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
