I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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