too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
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Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
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