Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
