Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
