i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
