Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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