Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
