I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
