So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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