We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
