I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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