why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
