You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
