woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
