Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize
