There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Randomize
