i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
