thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
