Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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