I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
