i barfeds in our rink
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
how does that bad decision feel?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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