I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
