It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
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As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He keeps bees of course he's weird
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
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I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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