$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
