He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
