I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
