I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
