what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
