I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Randomize
