She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
