i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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