I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
