I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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