Dude my mom stole all your condoms
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
