Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
