Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
