At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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