Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
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Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
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I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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