I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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