she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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