worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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