i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
