remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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