she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
We left an ass print on the piano.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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