I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
