we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I have post one night stand depression
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