the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
