You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
