If that was your dad, he is hot
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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