Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
