you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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