She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
