please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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