Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
