Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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