I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
