My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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