im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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