If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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