Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you have to choose: penises or morals?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
